The art of asking.

When I was very very small I heard a lot of classic, clichéd sayings tossed around in conversations or said to me directly, usually in parental lectures; 'rise above it', 'truth will out'. But the one that really stuck with me, and I think has proven to be the most helpful in my life thus far, is: 'don't ask, don't get'. 

I am a huge believer in the art of asking. And I don't just mean getting up from your table in the restaurant to find a member of staff and ask where the loo is (although that will save you a lot of awkward rambling around and peering over people), I mean messaging an old friend for advice about something they've been through so you might get through it too; emailing an ex-colleague for a reference, even sliding into someone's DMs if you have a question about something they're working on, or just wanting to make a connection. 

(photo by ME, at the Tiled Hall Cafe, Leeds. spoiler alert)

I mean, it doesn't always have to be about work. I particularly like being 'cheeky' in my asking. 'Cheeky', here meaning: politely ambitious. Once, the parents and I got tickets to be in the audience for Channel 4's The Last Leg, as it was broadcast live one night in London. We queued for a long time, and the queue was split into groups with different colour wristbands, which would determine who went in first and what seats they'd get. When we finally stepped into the studio, I looked up at the show's unmistakable set (much smaller and a little less snazzy IRL, IMO) and saw the seats behind the comedians' stage area were only half full. We were being directed to the back of the stalls, and folks around us were grumbling because they knew they wouldn't have the best view. That was when I turned to the person with the headset allocating seats, and asked very politely: 'do you still need people to sit up there?', pointing at the stage. I nudged the parents, and joked, 'because we'd definitely be up for it!'

The person frowned at their clipboard, looked at me and shrugged. 'Yeah actually, you guys go up there.' And she led us up to the set, sitting us directly below the logo, with a bird's eye view of the whole space - and each comedian's sweaty head. A few others got in beside us, and one of them thanked me. I shrugged, and said 'I just asked'. 

My friend used to own a cafe in town, and it was my favourite. She stocked only the finest coffee from Brighton, and made the most glorious cakes and tray bakes. I'll admit I haven't been back since it changed hands, but it will always hold a special spot on the top right-hand shelf of my memory bank. Anyway, she and I hadn't known each other that long when I boldly asked her if I could use the space for a head-shaving party, back in 2018. I admitted that I couldn't pay for it, as I was raising money for charity and, at the time, out of work due to an upcoming surgery. She said yes. It worked out well for both of us in the end, as I had the most lovely and weird little gathering with my nearest and dearest, and raised a f*ckload of money for two worthy causes (one being The Brain Tumour Charity, of course, the other being a local counselling service) - and she made a killing in cocktail sales. 

Another local story! My friend and I were catching up and having some food at a pizza shack when we both pondered aloud what the building across the road could be. There was an enormous graffiti tag on it by a well-known yet anonymous artist who had popped up during lockdown (their trademark - a happy pink cat face) and we were surprised that nobody in that particular building had made any efforts to cover it up, as so many other local businesses/the uncool council had when they'd been visited by the kitty queen. We asked the person serving us in the hatch if they had any intel - and it turns out they did! The place was apparently a safe space for houseless humans. If we hadn't enquired, we might never have known this very wholesome and useful piece of information. 

Simple one, now. I recently put a question box on my Instagram story, asking folks for recommendations of a laptop-friendly to work in Leeds - bonus points if there was coffee available. I received one response, but it was all I needed: the Tiled Hall Cafe, in the library building. So I went there and sat for a couple of hours, working remotely/writing my novel. And aside from the wonky table which made me feel a bit seasick at times, it was a chilled and enjoyable experience. 

Confession: in the past few years, I've been rather into LinkedIn. I know, this seems slightly tragic, but it's great for connections and networking and all that jazz. I've found the platform gives me a chance to chat with people who work for the same company as me who I wouldn't have met otherwise. A couple of years ago I saw someone in the company's global retail arena posting about the coaching calls she'd been doing, and how she wanted to help folks within the company get to where they wanted to be. Now, I understood that these calls were designed for shop managers, but nonetheless I reached out and said I'd love to have one sometime. I did think at first 'what am I doing? I'm just a sales assistant; I don't want to waste anyone's time'. But then I pushed through it, reminding myself - 'I'm just asking'. Cut to a short while later, finishing my hour-long coaching chat with this wonderful person, I had new goals in mind and exciting opportunities visible on the horizon for me in my job. I can honestly say this brief chat set me on a proper path for the first time since I started working for the company. Now, I've been in the head office realm for over three years, worked on various teams in an array of roles and gained all sorts of experience - and I'm a Project Lead, a role created for me, working with loads of different departments and creative individuals, seeing products through from mere ideas to shop shelves, speaking and presenting confidently at events and in big meetings. 

I know I wouldn't be here without my own knowledge, hard work and good spirit - but I do wonder sometimes if I'd have got this far if I hadn't slid into that retailer's DMs to shoot my shot.

I have so many more examples of when asking has been the golden ticket that's got me places I wasn't otherwise going to get into, but I'll save them for another post, perhaps. In the meantime, I want to know what doors the art of asking has opened for YOU. I know the readership of this blog isn't what it used to be, and commenters are a dying breed, but maybe if I share this on social media it'll get some response. Maybe not. Basically, if you see this callout, reply. I will appreciate it very much.

Thank you for reading.

Yours, 
G. x