Cheerful angst versus adversity.

Someone asked me not too long ago, 'how do you keep going?'

Photo by cottonbro studio.

 They meant it in reference to a particular friendship ending; they wanted to know how I continue to put myself out there, to open up and put my trust in people over and over, even when they let me down or disappear. At the time I just smiled and said 'because, well, you have to'. 

The extended answer is... 

You keep going because you have hope. You have to have hope. You have to dig deeply into yourself and carve out a space for optimism, amongst the distress and decay. It's tiny, but you'll find it somehow. You believe in cheerful angst in the face of adversity. Calming chaos. You can't be kind and rewind events in your life and hand them back over the counter, but you can reflect as the film winds on. Patience and picking yourself back up takes courage and is often more of a performance until it actually works. Think about your ambitious younger self, if that helps. The you who believed anything was possible, and the future laid itself out before you so warmly and accessibly, like a gleaming yellow brick road. Softest pie in their eyes. What would you tell them now? That you stopped trying as hard after one too many platonic heartbreaks, painful stop-starts, or purest intentions left in the ether? Nah. Do them a favour, and prove the rest of the wrong. 

G. x